---- 2 Cows
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION (ENRON STYLE)
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide..
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
The local Mafia is demanding protection money for the cows
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a 'Democracy....'
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Can anyone beat this resume
Can Any One Beat this Resume??
RESUME
EDUCATION /Qualification:
1950 : Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1952 : Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1954 : Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College , Cambridge ,
1955 - 57 : Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957 : DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness
OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience:
Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;
Professor, Inter national Trade, Delhi School of Economics , University of Delhi , 1969-71;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University , New Delhi , 1976
and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant
Working Experience/ POSITIONS:
1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance
1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India ; Director, Industrial Development Bank of India ;
Alternate governor for India , Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;
Alternate governor for India , Board of governors, IBRD
November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member, finance, Space Commission
April 1980 - September 15, 1982: Member- Secretary, Planning Commission
1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India ....
1982-85: Alternate Governor for India , Board of governors, International Monetary Fund
1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister
1985: President, Indian Economic Association
January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission
August 1, 1987 - November 10, 1990: Secretary-general and commissioner, south commission, Geneva
December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs
March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC
June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996: Union finance minister
October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket
June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance
August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce
March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the Opposition, Rajya Sabha
June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance
August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules
Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group
June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee
BOOKS:
India 's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -Clarendon
Press, Oxford University , 1964; also published a large number of articles in various economic journals.
OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956
Padma Vibhushan, 1987
Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;
Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia , 1993 and 1994
INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:
1966: Economic Affairs Officer
1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD
1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on International Monetary Reform
1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings
1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting
1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting
1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna
RECREATION
Gymkhana Club, New Delhi ; Life Member , India International Centre, New Delhi
PERSONAL PROFILE
Name : Dr. Manmohan Singh
DOB : September 26, 1932
Place of Birth : Gah (West Punjab)
Father : S. Gurmukh Singh
Mother : Mrs.. Amrit Kaur
Married on : September 14, 1958
Wife : Mrs. Gursharan Kaur
Children : Three daughters
The Prime Minister of India, possibly the most qualified Politician in the world.
Pass this to every INDIAN.... and be PROUD to be an INDIAN ....
Proud to have such an Educated Prime Minister....
============================================================
Elected for the second term as Prime Minister of India
RESUME
EDUCATION /Qualification:
1950 : Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1952 : Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1954 : Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College , Cambridge ,
1955 - 57 : Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957 : DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness
OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience:
Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;
Professor, Inter national Trade, Delhi School of Economics , University of Delhi , 1969-71;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University , New Delhi , 1976
and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant
Working Experience/ POSITIONS:
1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance
1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India ; Director, Industrial Development Bank of India ;
Alternate governor for India , Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;
Alternate governor for India , Board of governors, IBRD
November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member, finance, Space Commission
April 1980 - September 15, 1982: Member- Secretary, Planning Commission
1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India ....
1982-85: Alternate Governor for India , Board of governors, International Monetary Fund
1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister
1985: President, Indian Economic Association
January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission
August 1, 1987 - November 10, 1990: Secretary-general and commissioner, south commission, Geneva
December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs
March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC
June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996: Union finance minister
October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket
June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance
August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce
March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the Opposition, Rajya Sabha
June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance
August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules
Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group
June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee
BOOKS:
India 's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -Clarendon
Press, Oxford University , 1964; also published a large number of articles in various economic journals.
OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956
Padma Vibhushan, 1987
Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;
Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia , 1993 and 1994
INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:
1966: Economic Affairs Officer
1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD
1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on International Monetary Reform
1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings
1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting
1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting
1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna
RECREATION
Gymkhana Club, New Delhi ; Life Member , India International Centre, New Delhi
PERSONAL PROFILE
Name : Dr. Manmohan Singh
DOB : September 26, 1932
Place of Birth : Gah (West Punjab)
Father : S. Gurmukh Singh
Mother : Mrs.. Amrit Kaur
Married on : September 14, 1958
Wife : Mrs. Gursharan Kaur
Children : Three daughters
The Prime Minister of India, possibly the most qualified Politician in the world.
Pass this to every INDIAN.... and be PROUD to be an INDIAN ....
Proud to have such an Educated Prime Minister....
============================================================
Elected for the second term as Prime Minister of India
Husband store
> > Husband
> Store
>
> A
> store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City ,
> where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the
> instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
> store operates:
>
>
>
>
> You may visit this store
> ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the
> products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The
> shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may
> choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back
> down except to exit the building!
>
>
>
>
> So,
> a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the
> first floor the sign on the door
> reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor 1 - These men Have
> Jobs
>
>
>
>
> She
> is intrigued, but continues to the second
> floor, where the sign
> reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor
> 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love
> Kids.
>
>
>
> 'That's
> nice,' she thinks, 'but I want
> more.'
>
>
>
>
> So she continues upward. The third
> floor sign reads:
>
>
>
> Floor
> 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
> Looking.
>
>
>
>
> 'Wow,'
> she thinks, but feels
> compelled to keep going.
>
>
>
>
> She
> goes to the fourth f loor and the sign
> reads:
>
>
>
> Floor
> 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good
> Looking and Help With Housework.
>
>
>
>
> 'Oh,
> mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand
> it!'
>
>
>
> Still,
> she goes to the fifth floor and the sign
> reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor
> 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous,
> Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic
> Streak.
>
>
>
>
> She
> is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,
> where the sign reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor
> 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no
> men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
> women are
> impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the
> Husband Store.
>
>
>
>
> PLEASE
> NOTE:
>
> To
> avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a
> New Wives store just across the
> street..
>
>
>
> The
> first floor has wives that love sex.
>
>
>
> The
> second
> floor has wives that love sex and have money
> and like beer.
>
>
>
>
> The
> third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been
> visited.
>
>
> Store
>
> A
> store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City ,
> where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the
> instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
> store operates:
>
>
>
>
> You may visit this store
> ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the
> products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The
> shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may
> choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back
> down except to exit the building!
>
>
>
>
> So,
> a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the
> first floor the sign on the door
> reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor 1 - These men Have
> Jobs
>
>
>
>
> She
> is intrigued, but continues to the second
> floor, where the sign
> reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor
> 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love
> Kids.
>
>
>
> 'That's
> nice,' she thinks, 'but I want
> more.'
>
>
>
>
> So she continues upward. The third
> floor sign reads:
>
>
>
> Floor
> 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
> Looking.
>
>
>
>
> 'Wow,'
> she thinks, but feels
> compelled to keep going.
>
>
>
>
> She
> goes to the fourth f loor and the sign
> reads:
>
>
>
> Floor
> 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good
> Looking and Help With Housework.
>
>
>
>
> 'Oh,
> mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand
> it!'
>
>
>
> Still,
> she goes to the fifth floor and the sign
> reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor
> 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous,
> Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic
> Streak.
>
>
>
>
> She
> is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,
> where the sign reads:
>
>
>
>
> Floor
> 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no
> men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
> women are
> impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the
> Husband Store.
>
>
>
>
> PLEASE
> NOTE:
>
> To
> avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a
> New Wives store just across the
> street..
>
>
>
> The
> first floor has wives that love sex.
>
>
>
> The
> second
> floor has wives that love sex and have money
> and like beer.
>
>
>
>
> The
> third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been
> visited.
>
>
Ant and the grasshopper
ANT & GRASSHOPPER
*The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. *
*The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. *
*Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed.*
*The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. *
* Modern Version *
*The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. *
*The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. *
* *
*Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. *
* *
*NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. *
* *
*The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? *
* *
*Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house. *
* *
*Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. *
* *
*Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper. *
* *
*The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance ) . *
* *
*Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for Bharat Bandh in West Bengal with Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. *
* *
*CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers. *
* *
*Laloo Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the Grasshopper Rath. *
* *
*Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism against Grasshoppers Act' or POTAGA, with effect from the beginning of the winter. *
* *
*Arjun Singh sets up Special Reservation for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & Government Services. *
* *
*The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, has his home confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. *
* *
*Arundhati Roy calls it A Triumph of Justice. *
* *
*Lalu calls it Socialistic Justice . *
* *
*CPM calls it the Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden. *
* *
*Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly. *
* *
*Many years later …..………. *
* *
*The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multibillion dollar company in Silicon Valley . *
* *
*100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India. *
* *
*As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country! *
*THINK ABOUT IT*
*The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. *
*The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. *
*Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed.*
*The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. *
* Modern Version *
*The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. *
*The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. *
* *
*Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. *
* *
*NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. *
* *
*The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? *
* *
*Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house. *
* *
*Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. *
* *
*Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper. *
* *
*The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance ) . *
* *
*Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for Bharat Bandh in West Bengal with Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. *
* *
*CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers. *
* *
*Laloo Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the Grasshopper Rath. *
* *
*Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism against Grasshoppers Act' or POTAGA, with effect from the beginning of the winter. *
* *
*Arjun Singh sets up Special Reservation for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & Government Services. *
* *
*The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, has his home confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. *
* *
*Arundhati Roy calls it A Triumph of Justice. *
* *
*Lalu calls it Socialistic Justice . *
* *
*CPM calls it the Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden. *
* *
*Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly. *
* *
*Many years later …..………. *
* *
*The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multibillion dollar company in Silicon Valley . *
* *
*100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India. *
* *
*As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country! *
*THINK ABOUT IT*
India's Unity in diversity
This is funny! I love the Bihari one..:-)
A
---------- Forwarded message ----------
A
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two engalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team.
******
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.
******
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
******
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
******
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombaytrain.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombaytrain.
Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
******
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
******
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
******
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.
******
Mumbaikar
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars = film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
******
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
******
Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuff adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.
******
Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enoughJugaad
India's Indigenous Genius: Jugaad
By DEVITA SARAF
[Editor's note: This is the first of two articles]
Etymology aside, I have always been convinced that the word indigenous arose from India. To make something out of limited resources is India's genius and, therefore, indigenous. After centuries of foreign attacks, changing cultures and ever-evolving political stands, India has somehow managed to create an insular economy where we create what we need from what we have. In India, we call this jugaad and you can see a jugaad car on the highways of North India made from spare parts.
![[Devita Saraf]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_sshNRKTuH0hiUGbnk7WRzfGHEIey7G4TXIg3Lrd2x1qIihltDqcwrkSsvRmk7heeSahqh8jGnm43_Vg6tzZedboDuJbztO2SdEVghWGj0pLgs3X5c67ONMJWKRRCAPfdPx6dGEOOBuOJ8W-T6AzcgG=s0-d)
Devita Saraf
Innovation in the mature economies of North America and Europe has largely been linked with large research and development spending in basic sciences. Innovation normally gets associated with creating new technology backed up by years of R&D. This in turn is backed up by huge marketing spending to create a "capital entry barrier" which is, in most cases, priced high initially to target the most affluent customers before the normal commoditization process gets the product in the hands of everyday consumers.
However, there is an entirely new type of innovation thinking called "constraint-based innovation" - innovation that relies more on ingenuity in product, process and people to solve a customer's problem by creative improvisation rather than scientific and technological breakthroughs. In India, colloquially, we call this "jugaad" and it's now got a new name "frugal engineering." This kind of innovation generally starts with serving customers at the base of the pyramid by making the lives of millions of everyday individuals easier.
We always looked at automobile innovation coming from Japan or Germany until the Tata Nano caught the world's imagination and made us Indians very proud of what our engineers can create. It is a good example of constraint-based innovation – the constraint being building a car for 1 lakh rupees while most of the rest of the car manufacturers focus on "cooler" features, better looks and more horsepower.
One of my favorites is Amul, the Indian milk cooperative, a unique organization that equitably distributes the wealth it creates among its hundreds of thousands of stakeholders and yet has managed to hold its own against much more deep pocketed multinational competitors (ask Wal-Mart to match the prosperity Amul has created for millions!) Arvind Netralya's almost mass-production approach to high quality cataract operations is an example of how innovation that benefits people at large can be created through improvisation and predominantly process and people creativity rather than waiting for a scientific breakthrough. My last example of doing more with less is the low cost "Jaipur foot" prothesis.
So why is this relevant?
It shows that while China can manufacture for cheap, Indians can innovate around a budget and maneuver past whatever constraints are thrown at us.
While India has benefited significantly from the "services offshoring" wave in information technology services and call centers, I truly believe that the future of India's exports lies in our ability to create products and services for the world through our "frugal engineering and jugaad skills" – driven by the demand from similar emerging markets like China and Brazil, a slow and turbulent global economy, and the realization that it would take the resources of seven planets if India and China modeled our economic growth after Western countries.
While this presents Indians with the opportunity of a lifetime, it needs some serious work on two fronts: Being able to create more examples like those above on a sustainable basis and having the drive, patience and the long-term investment perspective needed to penetrate foreign markets. More on that in the next column.
—Devita Saraf is CEO of Vu Technologies and Executive Director of Zenith Computers in MumbaiSri Sri Ravishankar's address
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Daily Sutras and Knowledge Sheets
HOW TO DEAL WITH RUDE BEHAVIOR
What do you do when someone behaves very rudely to you?
1. Get upset
2. React rudely back
3. Get frustrated
4. Run-away from and avoid the person or the situation
5. Blame the person
6. Preach to the person
None of these will in any way strengthen you.
Then what are the options? See rude behavior in this light:
1. It indicates the intensity of their commitment
2. It indicates the amount of stress and insensitivity
3. It projects the up-bringing of the person
4. It indicates a behavioral pattern
5. It shows lack of knowledge
6. It shows lack of observation of one's own mind and its sensations
7. It shows you behavior to avoid
8. It is an opportunity for you to welcome and absorb the rudeness
9. It strengthens your mind
10. It unconditions the love that you are
The next time when someone is rude to you, make sure you don't get upset. Just give back a broad smile.
If you can digest the rudeness, nothing whatsoever can shake you.J.K. Rowling's address
The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination
Harvard University Commencement Address
J.K. Rowling
Copyright June 2008
As prepared for delivery
President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates,
The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention.
Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can't remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.
You see? If all you remember in years to come is the 'gay wizard' joke, I've still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.
Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.
I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.
These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.
I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.
They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.
I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.
I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.
What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.
At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.
I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.
However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.
Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.
You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.
There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.
Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.
I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.
And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.
Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.
Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.
And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.
Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.
Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places.
Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.
And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.
I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.
But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.
If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.
So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.
Harvard University Commencement Address
J.K. Rowling
Copyright June 2008
As prepared for delivery
President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates,
The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention.
Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can't remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.
You see? If all you remember in years to come is the 'gay wizard' joke, I've still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.
Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.
I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.
These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.
I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.
They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.
I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.
I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.
What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.
At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.
I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.
However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.
Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.
You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.
There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.
Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.
I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.
And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.
Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.
Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.
And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.
Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.
Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places.
Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.
And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.
I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.
But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.
If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.
So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.
A good lesson
How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a nagging partner, bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly one can get back their focus on what's important.
David J. Pollay explains his story in this way....
Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean...he was friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
'Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did.'
I started thinking, how much Garbage of my own do I carry? and how often do I let other Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets?
How often we let our frustrations in relationships to cloud the possibilities to better them. Nagging for things that are trivial and spoiling a whole day, month or years. Bickering all the time to prove ourselves right when all that we achieve in the process is to let everyone know how desperate we are to appear that we are in control. How many times we have lost control in our attempts to appear in control. How many times have we used insults to convey our anger at our partners when all we should have done was to control our tongues to prevent further damage.
How often we let our incompetence at work blind us and become insecure of other people's capabilities, thwarting them, complaining and whining about how they don't do their jobs properly, when in reality it is we who are running scared. So many times we lie to prevent our images from getting tarnished when all we accomplish is to taint it forever when the truth comes out.
So much of my own trash to lug around. Why should I carry and spread other people's garbage.
It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore. I will try not dump my own trash on other people and I will definitely not become a garbage truck to lug around other peoples' garbage too!'
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason.
David J. Pollay explains his story in this way....
Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean...he was friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
'Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did.'
I started thinking, how much Garbage of my own do I carry? and how often do I let other Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets?
How often we let our frustrations in relationships to cloud the possibilities to better them. Nagging for things that are trivial and spoiling a whole day, month or years. Bickering all the time to prove ourselves right when all that we achieve in the process is to let everyone know how desperate we are to appear that we are in control. How many times we have lost control in our attempts to appear in control. How many times have we used insults to convey our anger at our partners when all we should have done was to control our tongues to prevent further damage.
How often we let our incompetence at work blind us and become insecure of other people's capabilities, thwarting them, complaining and whining about how they don't do their jobs properly, when in reality it is we who are running scared. So many times we lie to prevent our images from getting tarnished when all we accomplish is to taint it forever when the truth comes out.
So much of my own trash to lug around. Why should I carry and spread other people's garbage.
It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore. I will try not dump my own trash on other people and I will definitely not become a garbage truck to lug around other peoples' garbage too!'
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason.
More jokes
Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws"
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ........."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws"
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ........."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !
Jokes
A CUP OF TIPS TO START UP THE DAY
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST "
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING "
LESSON 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
MORAL OF THE STORY IS : "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
LESSON 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "
MORAL OF THE STORY IS : "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST "
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING "
LESSON 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
MORAL OF THE STORY IS : "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
LESSON 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "
MORAL OF THE STORY IS : "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY
Sardar Jokes
***********************************************
Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
***********************************************
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but?? how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************************
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!
***********************************************
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office....
***********************************************
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
***********************************************
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************************
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************************
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
***********************************************
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
***********************************************
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but?? how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************************
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!
***********************************************
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office....
***********************************************
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
***********************************************
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************************
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************************
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
***********************************************
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
he replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read:
AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************************************
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************************
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************************************
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************************
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
***********************************************
Saying “I did not find time ” shows you did not WISH to do it.
Mallu Jokes
Malyalee's No Offence meant! Just a joke.
Enough of Sardar jokes....... ......... . Mallu jokes are here
(no offence meant pls...)!!!!! !!!!!
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to
America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying
the
lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of
Benana
Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of
BROGUN
bones....
Enough of Sardar jokes....... ......... . Mallu jokes are here
(no offence meant pls...)!!!!! !!!!!
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to
America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying
the
lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of
Benana
Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of
BROGUN
bones....
Letter to God
Letter to god
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they
decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy
Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the
Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ... "
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they
decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy
Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the
Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ... "
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