Quotes

Man! An amazing creature!

He sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to get back his health. He is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present with the result that he neither enjoys the present nor the future.

He lives as though he is never going to die and then dies having never lived!

- Dalai Lama

If the moon, in the act of completing its eternal ways around the earth, were gifted with self-consciousness it would feel thoroughly convinced that it was travelling its way of its own accord. So would a Being, endowed with higher insight and more perfect intelligence watching man and his doings smile about Man's illusion that he was acting according to his own free will.
- Albert Einstein

Musing

Have you ever looked at the back of a handmade tapestry or a fine piece of needlework? When you look at the wrong side, with its knots and clumps of color and bits of thread running hither and yon, you have no idea that you are holding a work of art in your hands. But turn it over and you see the design. Perhaps our lives are like that. Living them is like looking at the wrong side of the cloth. But from above they weave together in a glorious tapestry of relationships, joys, struggles, achievements and hopes.

A few parables

Parable 1

A number of porcupines huddled together for warmth on a cold day in winter; but, as they began to prick one another with their quills, they were obliged to disperse. However the cold drove them together again, when just the same thing happened. At last, after many turns of huddling and dispersing, they discovered that they would be best off by remaining at a little distance from one another.

In the same way the need of society drives the human porcupines together, only to be mutually repelled by the many prickly and disagreeable qualities of their nature. The moderate distance which they at last discover to be the only tolerable condition of intercourse, is the code of politeness and fine manners; and those who transgress it are roughly told in the English phrase to keep their distance. By this arrangement the mutual need of warmth is only very moderately satisfied; but then people do not get pricked. A man who has some heat in himself prefers to remain outside, where he will neither prick other people nor get pricked himself.

Parable 2

A wide-spreading apple-tree stood in full bloom and behind it a straight fir raised its dark and tapering head. Look at the thousands of gay blossoms which cover me everywhere, said the apple-tree; what have you to show in comparison? Dark-green needles! That is true, replied the fir, but when winter comes, you will be bared of your glory; and I shall be as I am now.

Parable 3

IN a field of ripening corn I came to a place which had been trampled down by some ruthless foot; and as I glanced amongst the countless stalks, every one of them alike, standing there so erect and bearing the full weight of the ear, I saw a multitude of different flowers, red and blue and violet. How pretty they looked as they grew there so naturally with their little foliage!

But, thought I, they are quite useless; they bear no fruit; they are mere Weeds, suffered to remain only because there is no getting rid of them. And yet, but for

these flowers, there would be nothing to charm the eye in that wilderness of stalks.

They are emblematic of poetry and art, which, in civic life - so severe, but still useful and not without its fruit- play the same part as flowers in the corn.

Kaun Banega "CHOR-pati".........Nice one

When will the con stop???????

-Subject: Kaun Banega "CHOR-pati".........Nice one

We all know KBC is Good Business. But have you ever pondered... How Good....???? Any guesses? Let's see... Airtel is charging Rs.6/- per SMS sent for this contest. Assuming there are only 100 entries from say 10 cities of some 20 districts and 20 states... 6(Rs/SMS) x 100(entries) x 10(cities) x 20(districts) x 20(states) = 6 x 100 x 10 x 20 x 20 = Rs.24,00,000 24 lakhs in 20 minutes. (People trying for the 2 lakhs cash prize) Imagine what if 1000 entries try out from 100 cities? The figure simply grows by 2 more zeroes and yields a whopping 24 Crores!!!! And it does not stop there... In practice it could be another multiple of 100 or a multiple of 1000 on an average. In that case it is 24 x 100crores earnings in just 20 minutes on every episode!!! And the prize money: A mere 2 crore.. (and from whose pocket?) Smart Business By Siddharth Basu! And the best part of this calculation is just the SMS earning!! What about the Ad money? A rough annual profit calculation goes like this: 2400 x 5 x 4) (episode/month) = 60000 crores. Let even 50% get dissolved in taxes and other payments, still you will be left with (which includes even the meagre 480 crores of prize money i.e.if every episode bags 2 crore prize)! 30000-crores profit !!! (only from SMS) Simple Question: "KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI" and your options are--- A) SONY TV B) AIRTEL C) AMITABH BACHAN D) SIDDHARTH BASU Computerji iska jawab bataiye.... Ans: All FOUR..!!!! PS: Now you know why AB gets all emotional when the episodes end...........

Five Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out..
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone..

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina-Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..


Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a
large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Send this to at least five bright, funny people you know and make their day!

--

"Here is the test to find whether your

mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive,

it isn't."

Ingenious Way to Stimulate Supermarket Sales!

Sense of Freshness enhanced....

Last month a Hi-Tech new supermarket opened in Topeka , Kansas:

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

Don't be serious, be sincere

Don't be serious, be sincere

~ by Chetan Bhagat

Don’t just have career or academic goals, set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark – don’t take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up ?

It’s ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, enjoy with your friends, fall in love, little fights with your loved Ones. We are people, not programmed devices

PLEASE DON'T BE ASHAMED OF U.P. YET

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T ENDORSE ANY POLITICAL PARTY.
NOR DO I ENDORSE ANY OF WHAT MAYAWATI IS DOING.
WAS JUST TAKEN ABACK BY RAHUL GANDHI'S HYPOCRITICAL COMMENT AT THE RECENT FARMER AGITATION IN UTTAR PRADESH.

Rahul Gandhi: "I feel ashamed to call myself an INDIAN after seeing what has happened here in UP".

PLEASE DON'T BE ASHAMED OF U.P. YET
Please don't be ashamed of Uttar Pradesh yet. Congress ruled the State for the Majority of the duration Pre Independence to Post Independence.. from 1939 to 1989 ( barring the Periods of Emergency.. Thanks to your Grand Mom Indira G. and a couple of transitional Governments)
8 out of the total 14 Prime Ministers of India have been from UP, 6 out of those 8 have been from Congress...
I think your party had more than half a century and half a Dozen PM's to build a State...
The Reason Mulayam Singh, subsequently came to Power is because your party wasn't exactly Gandhian in their dealings in the State.. So May be If you look at in totality the present chaos in UP is the outcome of the glorious leadership displayed by Congress in UP for about 50 years!
So Please don't feel ashamed as yet Dear Rahul.. For Mayawati is only using the Land Acquisition Bill which your party had itself used to LOOT the Farmers many times in the Past!
WHY DIDN'T YOUR PARTY CHANGE THE BILL WHEN IT WAS IN POWER FOR SO LONG?
Not that I Endorse what Mayawati is doing.. What Mayawati is doing is Unacceptable..
But the past actions of your party and your recent comments, puts a question mark on your INTENT and CONSISTENCY.

YOU REALLY WANT TO FEEL ASHAMED
But don't be disappointed, I would give you ample reasons to feel ashamed...
You really want to feel Ashamed..?
First Ask Pranav Mukherjee, Why isn't he giving the details of the account holders in the Swiss Banks.
Ask your Mother, Who is impeding the Investigation against Hasan Ali?
Ask her, Who got 60% Kickbacks in the 2G Scam ?
Kalamdi is accused of a Few hundred Crores, Who Pocketed the Rest in the Common Wealth Games?
Ask Praful Patel what he did to the Indian Airlines? Why did Air India let go of the Profitable Routes?
Ask Manmohan Singh. Why/What kept him quiet for so long?
Are Kalmadi and A Raja are Scapegoats to save Big Names like Harshad Mehta was in the 1992 Stock Market Scandal ?
Who let the BHOPAL GAS TRAGEDY Accused go Scot Free? ( 20,000 People died in that Tragedy)
Who ordered the State Sponsored Massacre of SIKHS in 84?
Please read more about, How Indira Gandhi pushed the Nation Under Emergency in 76-77, after the HC declared her election to Lok Sabha Void!
(I bet She had utmost respect for DEMOCRACY and JUDICIARY and FREE PRESS)
I guess you know the answers already. So My question is, Why the Double Standards in Judging Mayawati and members of your Family and Party?
I condemn Mayawati. But Is She the only one you feel Ashamed for?
What about the ones close to you? For their contribution to the Nation's Misery is beyond comparison.
You talk about the Land being taken away from the Farmers. How many Suicides have happened under your Parties Rule in Vidarbha ? Does that Not Ashame You ?

THE 72,000 CRORE LOAN WAIVER
Your Party gave those Farmers a 72,000 Crore Loan Waiver. Which didn't even reach the Farmers by the way.
So, Why don't you focus on implementing the policies which your govt. has undertaken, instead of earning brownie points by trying to manufacture consent by bombarding us with pictures of having food with Poor Villagers....
You want to feel ashamed. You can feel ashamed for your Party taking CREDIT for DEBITING the Public Money (72,000 crores) from the Government Coffers and literally Wasting it...

You want to feel ashamed.. Feel ashamed for that...

WHY ONLY HIGHLIGHT THIS ARREST?
Dear Rahul, to refresh your memory, you were arrested/detained by the FBI the BOSTON Airport in September 2001.
You were carrrying with you $ 1,60,000 in Cash ( Similar to the Arrest of Rahet Fateh Ali Khan recently, because you han't decared that Amount) . US allowed $ 10,000 cash at Immigration.
9 HOURS he was kept at the Airport.
He was later freed on the intervention of the then Prime Minister Mr.Vajpayee.. FBI filed an equivalent of an FIR in US and released him.
When FBI was asked to divulge the information for the reasons Rahul was arrested by Right/Freedom to Information Activists... FBI asked for a NO OBJECTION CERTIFICATE from Rahul Gandhi.
So Subramaniyam Swami wrote a Letter to Rahul Gandhi, " If you have NOTHING to HIDE, Give us the Permission"
HE NEVER REPLIED!
Why did that arrest not make Headlines Rahul? You could have gone to the Media and told, "I am ashamed to call myself an INDIAN?".
Or is it that, you only do like to highlight Symbolic Arrests (like in UP) and not Actual Arrests ( In BOSTON)
Because it so happens RAHET FATEH ALI KHAN'S recent arrest was Splashed in the Media and Your arrest in 2001 hardly got a MENTION..
Kindly Clarify.....

In any case, you want to feel ashamed, Read Along...

YOUR MOTHER'S SO CALLED SACRIFICE OF GIVING UP PRIME MINISTER SHIP in 2004.
According to a Provision in the Citizenship Act.
A Foreign National who becomes a Citizen of India, is bounded by the same restrictions, which an Indian would face, If he/she were to become a Citizen of Italy.
(Condition based on principle of reciprocity)
[READ ANNEXURE- 1&2]

Now Since you can't become a PM in Italy, Unless you are born there.
Likewise an Italian Citizen can't become Indian PM, unless He/She is not born here!

Dr. SUBRAMANIYAM SWAMI (The Man who Exposed the 2G Scam) sent a letter to the PRESIDENT OF INDIA bringing the same to his Notice. [READ LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT IN ANNEXURE -3]
PRESIDENT OF INDIA sent a letter to Sonia Gandhi to this effect, the day she was about to get sworn in 2004.
Manmohan Singh was brought in the Picture at the last moment to Save Face!!
Rest of the SACRIFICE DRAMA which she choreographed was an EYE WASH!!!
So She didn't make any Sacrifice, It so happens that SONIA GANDHI couldn't have become the PM of INDIA that time.

You could be Ashamed about that Dear Rahul!!

THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.
You go to Harvard on Donation Quota. ( Hindujas Gave HARVARD 11 million dollars the same year, when Rajiv Gandhi was in Power)
Then you are expelled in 3 Months/ You Dropped out in 3 Months.... ( Sadly Manmohan Singh wasn't the Dean of Harvard that time, else you might have had a chance... Too Bad, there is only one Manmohan Singh!)
Some Accounts say, You had to Drop out because of Rajiv Ji's Assasination.
May be, But Then Why did you go about lying about being Masters in Economics from Harvard .. before finally taking it off your Resume upon questioning by Dr. SUBRAMANIYAM SWAMI (The Gentlemen who exposed the 2G Scam)
At St. Stephens.. You Fail the Hindi Exam.
Hindi Exam!!!
And you are representing the Biggest Hindi Speaking State of the Country?

SONIA GANDHI's EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATIONS
Sonia G gave a sworn affidavit as a Candidate that She Studied English at University of Cambridge
[SEE ANNEXURE-6, 7_37a]
According to Cambridge University, there is no such Student EVER! [ SEE ANNEXURE -7_39]
Upon a Case by Dr. Subramaniyam Swami filed against her,
She subsequently dropped the CAMBRIDGE CREDENTIAL from her Affidavit.
Sonia Gandhi didn't even pass High School.
In this sense, She shares a common Educational Background with Karunanidhi
You Fake your Educational Degree, Your Mother Fakes her Educational Degree.
And then you go out saying, " We want Educated Youth into Politics!"

Letters sent by Dr. Swami to EC and then Speaker of Lok Sabha are in ANNEXURE 7_36 &7_35 RESPECTIVELY

Contrast that with Gandhi Ji , who went to South Africa, Became a Barrister, on Merit, Left all that to work for South Africa, then for the Country....

WHY LIE ABOUT EDUCATIONAL CREDENTIALS?
Not that Education is a Prerequisite for being a great Leader, but then you shouldn't have lied about your qualifications!
You could feel a little ashamed about Lying about your Educational Qualifications. You had your reasons I know, Because in India, WE RESPECT EDUCATION!

But who cares about Education, When you are a Youth Icon!!

YOUTH ICON
You traveled in the Local Train for the first time at the Age of 38.
You went to some Villages as a part of Election Campaign.
And You won a Youth Icon!! ... That's why You are my Youth Icon.
For 25 Million People travel by Train Everyday. You are the First Person to win a Youth Icon for boarding a Train.
Thousands of Postmen go to remotest of Villages. None of them have yet gotten a Youth Icon.
You were neither Young Nor Iconic.
Still You became a Youth Icon beating Iconic and Younger Contenders like RAHUL DRAVID.
Shakespeare said, What's in a Name?
Little did he knew, It's all in the Name, Especially the Surname!
Speaking of Sir Name..

DO YOU REALLY RESPECT GANDHI, OR IS IT JUST TO CASH IN ON THE GOODWILL OF MAHATMA?
Because the Name on your Passport is RAUL VINCI.
Not RAHUL GANDHI..
May be if you wrote your Surname as Gandhi, you would have experienced, what Gandhi feels like, LITERALLY ( Pun Intended)
But you don't seem to use Gandhi except when you are fighting Elections. ( There it makes complete sense).
Imagine fighting by the Name Raul Vinci...Even Leonardo Da Vinci couldn't win an Election in India with that Name!!

It feels sadly Ironic, Gandhi Ji, who inspired Icons like Nelson Mandela ,Martin Luther King Jr. and John Lennon, across the world, Couldn't inspire members of his party/ Nehru's Family, who only seem to use his Surname for the purposes of FIGHTING ELECTIONS and conveniently use a different name on their PASSPORT.

You could feel ashamed for your Double Standards.

YOUTH INTO POLITICS.
Now You want Youth to Join Politics.
I say First you Join Politics.
Because you haven't Joined Politics. You have Joined a Family Business.
First you Join Politics. Win an Election fighting as RAUL VINCI and Not Rahul Gandhi, then come and ask the youth and the Educated Brass for more involvement in Politics.
Also till then, Please don't give me examples of Sachin Pilot and Milind Deora and Naveen Jindal as youth who have joined Politics..
They are not Politicians. They Just happen to be Politicians.
Much Like Abhishek Bachchan and other Star Sons are not Actors. They just happen to be Actors ( For Obvious Reasons)
So, We would appreciate if you stop requesting the Youth to Join Politics till you establish your credentials...

WHY WE CAN'T JOIN POLITICS!
Rahul Baba, Please understand, Your Father had a lot of money in your Family account ( in Swiss Bank) when he died.
Ordinary Youth has to WORK FOR A LIVING.
YOUR FAMILY just needs to NETWORK FOR A LIVING
If our Father had left thousands of Crores with us, We might consider doing the same..
But we have to Work. Not just for ourselves. But also for you. So that we can pay 30% of our Income to the Govt. which can then be channelized to the Swiss Banks and your Personal Accounts under some Pseudo Names.
So Rahul, Please don't mind If the Youth doesn't Join Politics. We are doing our best to fund your Election Campaigns and your Chopper Trips to the Villages.
Somebody has to Earn the Money that Politicians Feed On.

INDIAN NATIONAL CONGRESS
You want to feel ashamed..
Feel Ashamed for what the First Family of Politics has been reduced to...
A Money Laundering Enterprise.
If MONEY is all the Motivation there is, You can Feel Ashamed for Sonia G's 'POVERTY of AMBITION'
You really want to feel Ashamed.
Feel Ashamed for what you ' SO CALLED GANDHI'S' have done to Mahatma's Legacy..
Meanwhile, I would request Sonia Gandhi to change her name to $ONIA GANDHI, and you could replace the 'R' in RAHUL/RAUL by the New Rupee Symbol!!!

RAUL VINCI : I am ashamed to call myself an Indian.
Even we are ashamed to call you so!

P.S: Popular Media is either bought or blackmailed, controlled to Manufacture Consent!
My Guess is Social Media is still a Democratic Platform.
Let's ask these questions, for we deserve some Answers.
For we are all Gandhi's. For he is the Father of the Nation.

To know more, Try looking for Dr. SUBRAMANIYAM SWAMI. He is the reason today 2G SCAM is being Investigated!!!


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PLEASE CIRCULATE FOR A BETTER INDIA.....
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Dr. Kishore Shah & Heart attack----- Njoy this humorous write up......

[Dr. Kishore Shah is a renowned Gynecologist practicing in Pune. He is a prolific writer. Humor is his forte. The following article is in his own words about the "MI" he had suffered few days back. It is " simply " mind blowing:]

I suffered a heart attack about 5 days ago. Here is my account of what happened: As I was rushed to the Cardiac ICU, I just had this sinking feeling in my heart. Just like the one before you enter the Viva Voce hall and see the most khadoos examiner in place, only worse.

The resident there was quite courteous, "Sir, How are you feeling?"
I looked at him groggily and whispered, "Just like Rakhi Sawant!"
He looked at me perplexed. I continued and said, "I feel an unnatural weight on my chest."

The resident didn't know whether to send me off to the Psychiatry ward or not. I said, "Aare Baba, ECG nikal, nahi toh main nikal jaoonga!"

The funniest part of my heart attack, or "cardiac event" as the doctor there insisted on calling it, was that there was no pain. That would come
afterwards when they presented me the bill. But for now I was painless.

"Do you smoke?" persisted the resident.

"I have never tried burning myself, but probably would." My wife nudged me and intervened, "He does not smoke or drink. Just keeps cracking these
pointless PJs."

The resident promptly scribbled something on the pad. He probably wrote that the patient was delirious. After peering with screwed eyes at my ECG he said, "Q wave changes."

I said, "I give up. You tell me."
"What?"
"I don't know Kyon wave changes. You tell me."

The resident stopped telling me anything else. He turned to my wife and said, "It seems to be a Minor Infarct."

I don't know what it is with doctors. How can you call any heart infarct minor? If there is an infarct, it is a major thing, at least for the
patient. There was also some depressing talk about ST depressions. Here I felt as if an ST bus was driving over my chest, who bothered whether that ST was depressed or happy?

I was immediately admitted to the ICCU and posted for an Angiography the next day. One piece of advice to all Cardiac care units: If you do not want your heart patients to have any further attacks, do not appoint such lovely young nurses.
Most of the nurses in the entire world are from Kerala. If all the nurses return home, all the hospitals in the world will come to a stop..
And there will be no standing space in Kerala.

There were big notices posted outside the door of the ICCU. "No Visitors" and no "No Mobiles". Okay, so there would be no breaking news dispatches
from me.

Soon a pretty, young Malyali nurse came and told me "Gaana Gaaneka nai." This came as a shock to me. Not that I wanted to break out into a song and dance routine. I could understand that visitors might disturb the patient, or even the mobiles. But songs? How could anyone be so unmusical?

I said Okay but was a bit miffed.

After many pricks and monitors on my body, half an hour later another pretty young thing came and told me "Gaana Gaaneka nai!"

I was a bit angry. I said, "Yeah! Yeah! Someone told me before also." But this really intrigued me. Why were they so strict about songs? If they had
said that I could not dance due to my heart condition, I could have accepted that. But never in my long medical education had I been warned that singing was bad for cardiac health. I wondered if this was a new advance.

The mystery was cleared when the next Malyali sister, who appeared to be their head nurse, came and explained to me, "Doctor Shah, Aap ka blood
samble subay saat ko hai. Toh abi Gaana Gaaneka nai. Phir Kaali pet samble lene ke baad Gaana Gaaneka."

I immediately added an interpreter to my mental suggestion box. It must be really tough to interpret Gaana as Khaana. But the Mallus can't help their
accent.

After a relatively painless night, mainly because relatives were not allowed, and also due to the various drips and things, I woke up to the
prick of a blood 'Samble'. Then I was allowed to 'Gaana Gaaneko'.

All the tests gave worse and worse news. There was an inferior wall infarct which the Cardiologist insisted on calling minor. (I hoped he would remember this while billing me.) My Trop T was raised. In short, this is a help call from the heart. I was posted for angiography and an SOS plasty the nest day after stabilization.

On the morning of the procedure, I got the shock of my life, when a grim looking man entered my room and sent my wife out. He then locked the room
and took out a large and sharp glistening razor. Omigosh! This was not how they performed operations, at least not during the last century. Or was this a scene from an assassin movie? The man then turned to me and smiled and said that he had come to shave me for the procedure.

I sighed with relief. One always wants to look nice and presentable for important occasions even if they be the gallows. I smiled back at him and
jutted out my chin at him for easy access. But he ignored my chin and pulled down my pajamas. I shrieked, "Hey, Its my heart that is amiss."

"Yes Sir. We need to shave your groin!" Groan Groan!

Five minutes later, I was all spick and span and presentable for my planned procedure. Calling it a procedure, reduces the fear factor from it. If you
call it an operation, which it is, you might suffer a further attack. If you call it a butchery, which it sometimes can be, then you need not go to the
procedure. I proceeded with a sinking heart, if it could sink any more, to the operation room, which they call a cath lab. It's all about euphemism.

When I entered the 'Cath lab', I found it extremely cold. Was the AC at full blast or was I frightened or was my heart not pumping enough blood? Probably all three. There was soft music playing hindi songs in the background. The nurse told me to remove all my clothes and lie down on a narrow table. I have already mentioned the weather conditions, so it did not help that here I was completely nude like a fresh plucked chicken, lying on a table, with half my respective buttocks spilling out of the respective sides of the table. The AC vent was directed towards the exact centre of my body.


The Hindi song playing was "Haste Gaate yahan se gujar, Duniya ki tu parwa na kar." That was very kind of my namesake Kishoreda to remind me how to face this ordeal. But I was very frightened. His next verse also told me,
"Maut ani hai ayegi ek din, Jaan jaani hai jaayegi ek din, Aisi baton se kya ghabarana, Yaha kal kya ho kisne jaana?" I almost burst out yodeling along with him . OOdle di OOd le di Ooo oo.

The anesthetist approached me and saw me smiling. He was confused. Was this guy so frightened that he was smiling? How could I tell him that I was marveling at Kishoreda's accurate advice to me, a smaller Kishore Kumar.

Then came the good part. Many layers of warm clothes were laid on me. I was shivering, but no longer like the Antarctica. It was more like Shimla now. The Cardiologist told me that I would now feel a little pain in my groin. Most appropriately, the song playing now was "Dil hai kaha aur Dard kaha". I smiled and said, "Yes Boss. Go ahead."

I won't go into the gruesome details, but what was visible to me and the entire team there was that my Right Coronary artery was nearly completely
blocked. The doctor said, "Yes, a stent will be required. Dr. Shah, should we insert an Endeavor drug eluting stent?"

I felt ashamed to admit to him that I didn't know a thing about stents. Being a Gynaecologist, I only knew about stunts. So I asked him, "What is
the difference between this one and the other one?" I didn't know the name of the other one, so I cloaked it in the anonymity of 'the other one'. He
said, "There are many differences, but the main one is in the price."

"Then I think you should ask my wife, because she is the one with the purse as well as the purse strings."

After a brief consultation, my wife decided that her husband was after all worth a bit more than this costly stent. But the effect was magical. In
front of my eyes, I could see a withered autumn tree of heart vasculature suddenly burst out in full spring glory of new tributaries.

Thus I came out of the 'lab' a new and reborn man. It seemed as if I had thrown off my school shirt and worn a new comfy and roomy one. It was as if
I had exchanged Adnan Sami's new shirt for his older ones. No more tightness around the chest. The song playing in the lab when I came out was
appropriately "Aaj Main jawaan ho gayi hoon. Gul se gulistan ho gayi hoon."

When I returned home from the hospital after paying the bill, I realized that the old proverb was probably coined by a cardiologist. Which proverb?
It's the one that says: Jaan bachi, Lakho paye.

Thus my heart tried to spring me a surprise. So I surprised it with a spring into my heart. Now I walk with a spring in my step and one in my heart too!

The bronze statue

An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the Story,"says the owner. The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned. * * * * * * * The man walks back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the

Story?"


"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a
a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!

Indian American Ramayana

You guys might enjoy this.....

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it... " So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so... he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together. But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood... Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks.... Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., thatwas the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."

The mother fainted...

Side effects of alcohol.... And remedies!!!

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet. Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet). Cure: Manoueuvre glass until open end is facing upward . 2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights. Cause : You're lying on the floor. Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor. 3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry. Cause : You're looking through an empty glass. Cure: Quickly refill your glass! 4. Symptom : The floor is moving. Cause : You're being dragged away. Cure: At least ask where they're taking you! 5.Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks. Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it ! Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself! 6. Symptom : Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny. Cause : You're in the wrong house. Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house. 7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive. Cause : You're in an ambulance. Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.